March 12, 2017

Wizard101 Tutorial in Real Life

"Commissioner Ambrose! Commissioner Ambrose!" Officer Lincoln was panicking. "We have an urgent situation."

Merle Ambrose woke up from his slumber, drooling on his desk. "Shh, I'm sleeping...just give the quest to the young officer we kidnapped the other day." He said groggily.

"You did WHAT?!" Officer Lincoln began to wonder if Merle Ambrose had finally lost it at his old age.

"Gamma and I...we decided Don Malistaire was too much to handle for our police force, so we decided to find a gifted young child to help us deal with that pesky mafia boss." Merle Ambrose calmly explained.

"Commissioner Ambrose, have you and Gamma been going to that bar again?" Officer Lincoln was exasperated with Merle Ambrose. He was confused as to why Sheriff Bartleby hadn't fired him yet. Then again, he was even older then Merle Ambrose.

Merle Ambrose paused, and Officer Lincoln heard him fumbling around with something behind his desk. "Where's the giant polka-dotted Handsome Fomori?" He muttered.

Officer Lincoln sighed and mumbled, "He's a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when he shows any."

"What?" Merle Ambrose was starting to fall asleep again.

"Well, I'll go take the child back to his parents."

"No, no, no, wait!" Merle Ambrose began to panic and fling his arms all over the place. "If you take the kid home, the meteor will crash into the Earth!! It'll cause an APOCALYPSE!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!"

Officer Lincoln rolled his eyes. "...If you say so, Commissioner." Officer Lincoln left Ambrose's office and looked around the police station for the kid Ambrose had brought in.

Officer Argleston walked up to Lincoln. "Are you looking for the kid Commissioner Ambrose brought in, Officer Lincoln?"

Lincoln sighed, exasperated. "Yup. He's lost his marbles, hasn't he?"

Officer Argleston chuckled. "I don't think this is news, Lincoln."

"How are we supposed to do our jobs properly if this buffoon is our Chief of Police?" Lincoln asked. "If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb his ego and jump to his IQ."

Officer Argleston chuckled. "He's as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense."

As Lincoln and Argleston were talking, Merle Ambrose quietly tip-toed out of his office to take the gifted young child he had kidnapped to a crime scene for hands-on training.

The kid was crying when Merle Ambrose came over. "I want my mommy."

Merle Ambrose crouched down and approached the child, smiling. "It's okay, you don't need your mommy now. Let me tell you a secret. If you stay with me, you can be a hero and save the world!!"

The kid stopped crying and gasped. "Wow!"

"I'm about to go deal with a big bully called Don Malistaire." Merle Ambrose frowned. "I don't know if I can take him. Do you want to come and help me?"

"Oh yes, yes, yes!" The kid clapped their hands.

Merle Ambrose picked up the kid and put them on his shoulders. The kid squealed in excitement.

"Let's go!" Merle Ambrose said.

When they went outside, the sun was setting and there was a thunderstorm. Officer Gamma was waiting for them in the passenger seat of the car. On the car ride over to the crime scene, Officer Gamma somehow managed to explain the police, how they worked, and what they do to the kid. Ten minutes later, the trio hopped out of the car. They had arrived.

It was freezing outside, and the pouring rain didn't help. The area looked rural, but it was close to the city. To the right of the road was an expansive valley of dead grass and petrified trees. The trio was to the left of the road, standing on crumbling rocky pavement and near a run-down abandoned office building which faced away from the road.

There was a screech, and everyone jumped. It sounded as if the screeching was happening right in front of them.

"He's here." Merle Ambrose said grimly. "He must be close. You can tell by the screeching." He took out a flashlight and led the trio into the office building.

For almost an hour, they followed the sound of the screeching, until they realized that they had forgotten something critical to the investigation that could put them all in jeopardy.

Merle had forgot to put his phone on silent.

"AHHHH!! What is this blasphemous contraption?!" Merle Ambrose started to fumble around with his phone. "How do I...hmm...interesting." The screeching stopped after Merle Ambrose had pressed a few buttons.

"So that's what the screeching was." Officer Gamma said.

"Aw man, that's lame!" The kid said.

There was a deep chuckle nearby. "Old fool, getting distracted so easily."

"Malistaire." Merle Ambrose said grimly.

A tall and imposing man stepped out of the shadows and sneered. "Ambrose."

Malistaire's eyes came upon the kid that was with Merle. "Is this your latest cabin boy? My henchmen will see to your little friend!"

"Hurry along, junior police officer." Merle Ambrose told the young kid with him. "Take these boxing gloves and deal with his adult henchmen who have a black belt in several martial arts, including karate. I will tend to Malistaire myself, but will occasionally yell pieces of advice to help you out."

"That's a simply excellent deal!" The kid said excitedly. "I'm sure I can take them, even though I haven't had any training in martial arts!"

"That's the spirit, son." Merle Ambrose said encouragingly.

"Don't be so sure of yourself." Malistaire mumbled threateningly.

"Run up and confront the henchmen! Be brave! I will guide you!" Merle Ambrose said to the kid.

The kid started fighting with the two henchmen, barely managing.

"Kick them in a vulnerable area!" Merle Ambrose yelled.

The kid kicked both of the henchmen in the face, but it didn't seem to hurt them. The fight continued on, with the kid getting clobbered.

"Oh my! Are you hurt? You need to pay attention to how much pain you are in." Merle Ambrose was concerned about the kid. Perhaps he shouldn't have brought him to a crime scene where he could get killed. "Also, remember, if you get tired, you won't be able to do much. You'll be at the mercy!"

"Why so distracted?" Merle said. "We're under attack? Oh my! Call me a fool...I had all but forgotten!"

"Aha! You doddering fool! Your cabin boy is no match for my forces!" Malistaire yelled.

"Oh no! You're in trouble!" Merle Ambrose yelled, concerned. "Take this ice pack."

The fight continued, and the kid started to gain an advantage.

"This one learns fast, Malistaire. Two can play at that game!" Merle Ambrose said.

The battle lasted for ten minutes but ended with a victory for the kid, mostly due to Merle's intervention.

"Excellent work, junior police officer!" Merle Ambrose congratulated the kid. "This is a completely realistic and obvious outcome! Now let me see to Malistaire...I'll show him. Endangering a young kid is a horrible thing to do! I would never put an innocent kid like you in danger!"

"Another time, old man. I have what I came for. And now, I'll take my leave of this wretched place." Malistaire and his henchmen left.

"He's gone, and none too soon! What sinister goal brought him here? Hmmm...." Merle Ambrose rubbed his chin. "Oh my! You look a bit worse for wear. We have to get you to the hospital as soon as possible! If only I could have done something to prevent this..."